When it comes to haters … grace wins.
“Sometimes we can piss someone off just by being ourselves.”
Lately, the books I’ve been reading – and more importantly, when I read them – have been coming at what seems to be divine times.
One of the reasons I say this is because I’ll read a few chapters in a row, days in a row, and then I’ll put it down for a week and then pick it back up again. The timing of when I receive the message is AMAZING. It was as if I needed to put the book down in order to read the next chapter at exactly the time I needed it.
Right now, I’m reading this book called Girl Code. And I’m on the chapter that talks about how social media has given rude and opinionated people a playground to critique others. Couldn’t agree more.
However, what’s interesting to me – and what I’ve noticed even more the last few years – is that this rudeness has also increased when dealing with people in person-to-person situations. It’s as if this unwarranted rude boldness that was once built or exaggerated behind a screen is now “safe” enough to use in person. Have you experienced this?
It’s still more widespread online, but it’s definitely like people’s online alter egos are jumping out from behind the screen.
I was recently in several positions dealing with someone who obviously didn’t like me. They pretended to, but it was very obvious to me that they didn’t. I’m like “what’s not to like?” hahaha j/k…
But seriously. I didn’t do anything wrong, I was courteous, considerate and being myself – albeit filtering myself slightly (which I shouldn’t have to do) – but I think we all do that when we are in unfamiliar circumstances.
And like the quote says … sometimes we can upset someone just by being ourselves. Scary, unfortunate, but true.
Thankfully, I haven’t experienced anything too severe on social media (yet), although some of the peanut gallery comments have definitely started filtering in. You know, people who want to pick you apart for spelling errors, your personal style, your appearance, your message, what you’re trying to do with your life… the list goes on. They’ll do it publicly and they’ll shame you without remorse or a second thought. And they’ll do it on YOUR social media page. Or give you constant negative comments or digs in person.
As I’m building my online business, I know my skin will have to become even thicker. Because unfortunately, the more your grow – online and offline – the more it attracts the negative, rude, and hurtful comments. Sometimes, people just want to tear you down.
I know you’ve heard of the phrase, “hurt people, hurt people.” I know there have been times when I’ve been in a “hurt” state that I’ve said something I shouldn’t have and have felt HORRIBLE. We can all catch ourselves in that place occasionally. But what I’m referring to are those who are so deeply hurt that they are miserable at their core. They are unhappy and insecure … and their habitual negative behavior is not because they really want to torture you, but because it’s usually a reflection of what they feel about themselves. Or they’re just acting out because they need attention – again something to do with THEM, not you.
It saddens me and at the same time, it’s often times challenging to remember that at the moment when someone is attacking you … and you’re thinking to yourself … “woah mean person, where is this coming from???”
Here’s the deal. I was raised by a strong, super-educated and gutsy single father who taught me NEVER to take shit from anyone. This is coming from someone who lives by the saying, “Illegitimi non carborundum,” a mock-Latin aphorism meaning “don’t let the bastards get you down.” Considering that and the circumstances of my upbringing … I think of myself as tough and a bit of a firecracker.
The problem with that however, is that I used to be in a constant state of self-defense. And hey, I’m still a WORK IN PROGRESS. But because I have this innate desire to be a defender of justice and fairness, I can become hardened and reactive. Because after all, shouldn’t everyone approach things from an empathic, wear-the-other-person’s-shoe perspective?!?! As a result, I can easily come out swinging with lip service when it’s NOT even necessary.
Because what’s really the point. I can be doing SO many more productive things with my time, energy and head space. Besides, if you have to convince someone to like or understand you – they are not worthy of your awesomeness in the first place!
Sure, there are times that I still feel I have to clarify something or inform someone they are crossing the line, but for the majority of the time … you know what I do? I take a step back and I think. I wait. I pray. And realize that I am in control, not my emotions, and not theirs. I consider how I want to feel afterwards … and how I want to react in order to feel that way.
It’s MORE than just okay to ignore comments. And it’s absolutely more FREEING when you choose to let them go.
At the end of the day … when it comes to trolls, the peanut gallery, haters, whatever you wanna call them … remember this: Grace wins.
love ya! 💕